One of those days.

I don't know what's in the air this month but february has captured my thoughts. I usually write when something is on my heart so here we go again. First off, it's rainy and it has been rainy for quite sometime or so it feels like it. The clouds aren't perfected shapes in the sky and the sun is tucked behind gloomy days.  The moon is out tonight glowing with beauty which is nice to see. It's neat to think that we all sleep under the same sky no matter where we might be or where we might go. Apart from the despiteful weather it's always a blessing to wake up to a new day regardless of whether the earth decided to be happy or not. But who is to say the earth isn't cheerful...? When it rains, it doesn't always pour but either way take it as you would like. As far as my little piece of earth that I walk around on each day, I have found that every marking and every place is a memory. Memories that are clearly to be remembered or else they would have been forgotten. It's not always easy or comfortable to stumble upon a place that once tickled your heart or made tears dwell in your eyes, but for whatever reason you felt those feelings. Now what to do with them? Learn. To learn that every encounter is a chance to grow. Some of the best experiences are the ones that hurt the most but what an unforgettable encounter to have been touched so deeply. The best days of your life often don't appear that way until the day is already over but luckily enough you have the memory to remind you of it. The hardest decision and choice to make is to figure out how to deal with the times of "what was" or how it could of been. In any situation you are living in the "right now" and what has happened is gone. So what is to come next...? I couldn't tell you but I pray that it is more than lovely.  I hope that the things you wish to forget can be sparked by a moment of something that made you smile. No matter where you are, the sky is both yours and mine and that will always be true. The clouds will part and form images from your imagination and they will tumble back together again to fill the earth with pure moisture. Rain or shine today is yours. Sometimes you grasp it and other you times you just try to get by...and you will get by because even though you don't see it someone is gently pushing you along, especially when you need it most. You don't always have to be so brave or so strong. Today may have caught you off guard but you made it through right...? There is always time to smile and when things are funny you laugh even when you don't want to. For today, I can say I made it through. To tomorrow, I must wait and see what you have in store. To all of you, I pray that your happiness may be found each and everyday and that you never feel alone. Dr. Seuss once said, "Today you are You, that is truer than true. There is no one alive who is Youer than You." 


Dear God,
Grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change 
The courage to change the things I can
And the wisdom to know the difference.


Amen. night night

4 letters.

Love. A four letter word that holds meaning bigger than our atmosphere. One can love yes, but to love unconditionally is solely found in the one and only. The one who gave you and I life. The one who teaches us to love always and not to judge. To embrace the weak and pray for those you've never even met. To forgive in all aspects, all spectrums. To realize that people are people and that people will make mistakes. You will get hurt and you will hurt others, not intentionally but sometimes so. Remember what it was like to suffice to your wrong doing and to be honestly forgiven. Also remember what it was like to open your heart to forgive even when you felt broken. If your troubled the odds are someone else is too, pray for them. Keep in touch with the one who knows your heart and mind better than you do, He created it. You may feel scattered or incapable of being put back together but when in doubt, look up. You will be whole again because what lives in you is far greater then ever imagined. The stars are aligned perfectly not by chance and we know that the world is round. We have been placed here to wonder and to question why and I hope you do. Answers you may have might not be answered right away, but keep the faith because someone is listening. At this very moment you are loved. When the tears stream your down face you are loved and when your eyes sparkle with joy you are loved. You are always loved in every moment and in every stage of your life. There will be disappointments and a sense of worry but cast your cares to the skies. Philippians 4:13 I can do all things through Him who strengthens me. Be willing to take chances but to not be hasty, there is a difference. You will never be given more than you can bear. Let love in and love in return. I appreciate every encounter my small life has received, thank you for touching my heart in every way I will never forget it. From the bottom of my heart, love always.

Soft Focus.

I want to live my life by one virtue. Truth. To be honest in all situations even if it's hard to admit that I'm wrong. I don't want to choose to live vicariously or hastily therefore putting the feelings of others second to mine. I would hope that those around me would consider my interests as highly as their own, as I would choose to do the same for them. Life get's sticky and complicated and unfair and everyday I have the choice to reject those situations. Sometimes those situations arise without realizing we are even apart of it, when in fact were finding ourselves right in the middle of it. So what do you do...? Steadfast and seek the truth with the risk of losing something of importance...? Or stay right where you are because it's comfortable and easier to go along for the ride...? The easy way out is the road most taken but I choose the narrow one. The road without directions or a certainty of a destination. I will take the road less traveled because whatever struggle I face now I may face again in a different light. And if so, I want to learn to overcome it with dignity and heart. I don't want to be distracted by victory or become comfortable because I have defeated, I would rather lose and be knocked down to come out stronger and justified by honesty to know that doing what is right is what always should be done. Right and wrong seems black and white but this world presents matters much harder than "this way or that way." What do you see...? Is the world open and bright, in crystal clear focus...? Or is it blurry, making your eyes soften so you can't see what actually is between the lines...? Or do you choose to surpass the writing on wall because it's too hard to take in or so unfair that you don't know how to fight it alone...? If you stumble, I hope to be there to pick you up. If I trip, I hope to grasp your hand before I fall. Right or wrong your conscience will always tell you what is true. You may start out alone, but you will soon meet those that are attached to your heart because your hearts are made up of the same. To live is an awfully big adventure and to love is to be honest. The truth lies within all, seek it and you will find it. Be it for others to see. Love you...Niki

What If

To know, is to regard something as true beyond doubt. Depending on the day I know too much and by the end of the night I realize I know too little. I carelessly question things I should know the answer to and I endlessly ponder things I am never going to figure out. I cannot change the things that are now apart of the past and I cannot predict what is to come next. Life happens because it is meant to be lived, this I know is true. Dreaming occurs while your asleep, but while your awake is when those dreams become reality...this I also know to be true. Sometimes when it's sunny it feels cold and in most cases the grass really isn't greener on the other side. Have you noticed that when you over sleep you wake up even more exhausted than before? It's kind of like when you pop in an old VHS and press fast forward instead of rewind so by the time you actually rewind it you don't want to watch it anymore. I think that cookies taste better before they are baked but you might think this statement is false. I know that such things like fact and fiction exist, but I think the unreal and imaginary is far more interesting to believe in. Belief does not always come from truth and the certainty of it is not proven. It comes from within, something that speaks to your heart or produces excitement in your soul. Disneyland is a real place and Tinkerbell can fly, I have seen it. I have never been to Neverland or seen the mermaid lagoon but somewhere it must be real. To disregard reality for what it is would be foolish yes, to regard reality with hope will leave you hopeful. The imaginary is real and true have you stepped outside? Yes the sky is blue but at sunset it beats the imagination. I don't know what tomorrow brings, but that is a question within itself waiting for an answer. Goodnight...sweet dreams. Niki

the year is new.

Moving forward doesn't mean to forget but rather embrace the excitement that comes from something new. The unknown can be scary or seem to be deceiving, but take heart and know that good things come with time. Love is patient, love is kind, often heard and hard to follow. The possibilities of not knowing what comes next or how to figure it out can be frightening leaving you with a little less faith than you had before. But don't be so scared, yes it is natural to shy away from what you don't quite know but sometimes what you don't know could turn out to be the greatest ending to your very own story. Sometimes we don't see what's right in front us because in actuality we aren't even looking, but by chance it flashes by just in time to be noticed. It causes you to wonder, to think about new and intriguing things that tug at your heart strings or make you take an extra breath because something just took your breath away. A tiny moment could change your story that you thought you already knew the ending to. Be taken by surprise, be open to the things that make you question why or why not. Let go and have peace with what you don't know, see where it takes you. Try to love people for who they are... not what you want them to be. Accept challenges and be humbled by defeat, victory is found through happiness. Share your story, there is always someone listening even if it appears your all alone. Life will be hard but bring it on because it will also be great. Make a wish to the new year and maybe it will come true just as you expected or maybe it won't. Maybe, just maybe your wish will turn out even better than you expected, leaving you speechless. Hope for the best and always laugh even if it makes you cry. To 2011, never lose heart and imagine the impossible to be true. I'll be seeing you, xoxo.

warm and fuzzy

The stockings are hung by the chimney with care and Christmas tree's are spotted in every window glowing brightly with cheer. The essence of Christmas is magical, it never fails to live up to it's standard of simply being joyful. The house always feels warmer, slippers always feel cozier, and smiles always melt your heart a little more than they used to. Christmas reminds you of the ones you love and have loved, those here still with us and those who are looking down upon us. It brightens old memories and brings excitement to the future. Presents are wrapped perfectly with satin bows and snowflake paper, but it doesn't stop you from tearing it off in hopes that whatever is in that box is exactly what your hoping it to be. Once the gifts have been opened and the goodies adored or played with, life seems more than O.K or so how I see it. Those around me are getting older, dreams are getting bigger and friendships are remembered. No matter where you go for the holidays the food is always good and most importantly you are loved. Not because of the things you own or things you just received, tangible things are not thought of in love. You are loved because you have been missed, because you haven't been home in awhile to share what you have learned or how you have changed or how you haven't. You are loved for you just as you are. Perfectly made to be yourself. Life offers more than a wish, and more than a dream. It offers certainty of everlasting love forever from this world and into the next. John 3:16 For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life. amen. In closing, there is always hope within despair and love triumphs over all. I hope you had the merriest Christmas and cherished each new memory that was made. Love you always, Niki.  

please and thank you

Thanksgiving was rad. Home sweet home was a holiday delight and the fire was always roaring. Cozy and calm, it was relaxing and the most enjoyable. I had a permanent tummy pooch for two days. Going back to the place of born and raised brings back memories and old friends that gave me some of the best days my life. The air was cold, I could see my breath and it smelled like christmas...it was good to be home. I am more than thankful for the simplicity and kind heartedness of my friends and family. Picking back up where we left off as if no one ever moved away or chased their dreams without me. Going home always feels like we never left and I am thankful for that. God has blessed me with the two most important human beings in my life my mom and dad. My mom is my best friend and my dad is my number one fan, I am so thankful they are mine. I am thankful for the old and the new in every spectrum of my life, thank you to all who have blessed my life, I am lucky girl. Love you